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I think I like this little life

“How are you feeling?” - Good

What a silly question to ask, a very short sentence, but one that can be very loaded.

How I’m feeling? Honestly, I had a little breakdown last week, so I was not “good”, but if you asked me back then, I had probably gave you the short answer that you are supposed to hear from me.

I’m 27 years old, single, living in my own apartment in a pretty nice city, I have the best small circle of family and friends around me that are all healthy. But when you suddenly loose your job (that you actually really liked), due to a bankruptcy and have to take care of a lot of admin stuff by yourself, life can be messy sometimes. Financial uncertainty is not fun, and of course I’m happy with everything that I’ve got, but dealing with this is another level. It’s not just ‘being fired’ and getting the money you have the right to. It takes a lot of admin, calls, meetings and still no money after 3 months. And I know it will come one day, but man, I don’t like waiting sometimes.

So if I tell you I have had some underlying stress for the last year(s), it’s not only because of this. It’s not something that I talk about to my friends a lot, but it’s also because of the fact that I’m a carrier of the brca-gen and need to go to the hospital every 6 months to do a check-up. It’s also because I’m doing this all by myself (with the support of my family of course), but I don’t have a partner that I can talk to about this. It’s also because I have the constant uncertainty and stress about this topic. It’s not nothing. Being only 27 years old, and already going to these half-yearly check-ups for some years, and on top of that going through a trial where you have to give yourself injections for a period of 3 months, only to hope it will positively impact the chance of getting breast- and/or ovary cancer. With the brca-gen, the chance of getting them is up to 80%, so I’m really doing a service to myself for showing up at the hospital every 6 months, and don’t understand me wrong, I’m relieved every time I hear ‘everything looks fine’. I already know a lot of people that lost their lifes to cancer and I can only hope that it’s not happening to me or the people close to me. And I’m not even thinking yet about the steps that I’ll need to take when my childwish is desired, that we’ll handle when it’s the time.

When you look at everything that’s going on in the world, it always puts things into perspective. Whether it’s about a financial-, health- or friendship situation, we can all be very lucky to be living here and to have everything that we have. And of course life can be rough sometimes, and sometimes life is not fair. But take a look at the news, and think again. The issues you’re having are not that bad as you think, relativise people, relativise.

I’ve always been a people pleaser, I like to take care of people and treat them, whether it’s with small gifts, baking cookies or just sending a small text or postcard to let them know I’m thinking about them. You have to take a look at my calendar on my phone, I always add when my friends/family have an important day, are leaving on a trip, have their birthday or something else. I only mean my close friends and family, but still we’re talking about a big amount of stimuli (which I’m already very sensitive to). I think they would all agree I sometimes even give too much. Giving is definitely my love language. But what if you don’t always get something in return? Even if it’s just a short 'how you doing’ message or a hug? I don’t blame anyone, of course not everybody is the same. But still, sometimes it weights on me. During covid, I put less energy in the people that didn’t give back the energy that I gave them and I also let go of the thought of having to always take care of everything and honestly, I felt relieved. I’m aware that I have a pretty small circle around me, but I can truely say I’m happy with that.

On the other side, I’m always in for some new friendships, especially as I’m living in Antwerp now, by myself. I actually don’t have a lot of friends living nearby. And you can ask me the question “why moving there then?”, but I’ve always liked the city life, and I really think I’m supposed to be living here at the moment. I’m enjoying the city strolling life, discovering the hotspots and I’m nevertheless also really enjoying my me-time.

Something extra to mention: I struggle with people that say they don’t have time to answer a message/email. Like hello, it only takes literally 5sec to do that. I experienced this a lot during the applying process, how unprofessional of you if you don’t even care to answer your applicants, and honestly I wouldn’t even want to work with you. In a private situation, I really can’t understand if people say that 'they didn’t have time to answer for a few days’. Of course it’s okay to put your phone away for a while, but literally saying this seems unbelievable to me. Another small thing I’m rooting for is putting away your phone for a while. You maybe wouldn’t believe it, but I put my phone away almost every evening, when I’m busy doing some tasks or watching a series. As I’m a social media enthusiast, I’m very happy with the existing of some websites where you can schedule all your content so it gets posted automatically :) thank you lord for that.

Having my own company ‘Texture the Brand’ as a side hustle, is also not nothing. I’d like to think I’ve always been a little bit of an entrepreneur. When you think about it, of course I took some (financial) risks when I started with it a couple of years ago. And also not nothing, I’ve always combined it with a fulltime job. I even remember waking up at 5.30am to make some candles, and doing the same in the evening at 1am when arriving back home from having some drinks with my friends. There were times we had some orders of over 2000 candles and I had to be busy with it constantly before and after my work and in the weekends. And to think about it, we made them all by scratch, from home. So you can imagine the relieve I felt when an order was fulfilled and being dropped off at a warehouse. But still, I struggle with being proud of myself sometimes. I just keep on going and going. But when I have a minute to think about it, running this brand all by myself, it really is a one-man-show. I’m doing everything from content creation, social media, administration, campaigns, accounting, brainstorming, website, customer service, taking care of the packages, making all products, doing PR, influencer marketing, making B2B orders to checking the emails. And I probably forgot some things. I’m very grateful to have my mom by my side, helping me wherever she can. PR-wise, we’ve been featured in some Belgian magazines and papers, but also in Vogue UK for 3 times, like hello, what? (if you don’t know what it is, look it up pls) We’ve done our first pop-up store in Antwerp city and did some fairs in the weekends, we are doing an international fair in Amsterdam soon and we’ve grown our collection a lot. I think I sometimes have to compliment myself a bit more, and celebrate the small wins, always.

The question I ask myself sometimes is “what’s next?”, whether it’s on the job level, love level or friendship level. Who knows? I really hope to find a new nice job, a partner and one day have my own family. I’ve always been a family and kids person, so I really can’t wait for that. My favorite quote ever still is “everything happens for a reason”, so let’s see where life takes me :)

And for some of you that maybe think i’m writing this to seek attention: if you think that, you apparently don’t know me well enough. I’m writing this to tell you a little more about me and how I’m feeling atm, and to make sure you know there’s more to me. I’m not only the social, happy girl that always gives and gives to please everyone around her. I’m the girl that has some locked issues behind closed doors, that’s sometimes a little lonely and that can’t wait to have it all, one day.

Ps: there’s always more to people, so don’t judge too early and ask people this question instead: ‘how are you doing, REALLY?’

♡ E

119 weergaven


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